I grew up in Japan, and cleaning our own classrooms was completely normal for us. We never really thought of it as something related to Buddhism or ethics. It was just what we did.
It makes me wonder if that's actually why it works—we never even thought about why we were doing it!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, and apologies for my late reply here. It's an interesting point: sometimes if you give children a reason for something, that becomes a reason for them to then argue against it. If you just ask them to do it, then that's possibly more effective...!
Great piece! It's not about homogeneity, because you can see mixed race kids and foreign kids happily taking part in the sharing when they grow up in a Japanese community. I rebelled against my wife's Japanese parenting of our daughter until it dawned on me that I could relax and contribute other values, like independence, in a way that would fit comfortably within the larger "omotenashi" mentality that she was teaching. Our daughter is 21, working here in Japan, and still happily maintaining an awareness of those around her.
Good to hear of a successful example of bi-cultural parenting here! We try to do the same in our household: find the best of both worlds, as far as possible. I really like Lisa’s ‘radically caring about others’ idea because it seems so universal - beyond all the particular rules that anyone familiar with Japan will know.
My teenagers are now in their forties and fifties. It was easier I think without social media. But I don’t know. My teenage grandchildren are worried about the world, and do their best with the small things - recycling, sharing and doing these small things as kindly as they can. As I am a parent, and a grandparent I have no idea what to say to help. So I asked these beautiful people what message they take away from my parenting. My 52 year old son said “we always knew that whatever you did or said you always had the best intentions”. How subtle kindness can be 🤗 My 17 year old granddaughter said “You’re always giving us comfort even when we get it badly wrong. And you have never told any of us off. You never seem to be cross.” And that is the only parenting result I can think of. You are in a position to help your teenagers get it right for their children. I don’t know if this is a bit muddly. And I remember feeling extremely cross with them. Hey ho. 🤭
Thank you so much for this, Jessica. What lovely to comments to receive from your family. I remember reading, a while back, someone saying that when they were younger they valued intelligence more than anything, but when they got older they realised that kindness trumps everything. I think I agree!
I'd love to hear more - lots more! - about Japanese parenting. One of the English-teaching jobs I had there ca 1974 was an after-school English class for kids. My classes were 30 or 40 minutes long and ran throughout the afternoon, starting with kids so young that I remember one coming in diapers. While being totally not problematic in any sort of rebellious way, they were nonetheless full of energy, even a bit rambunctious -- in a word, delightful. Until you got to the ones in about 4th grade, I don't remember exactly. Then suddenly they were ALL, as a UNIT, silent, unsmiling, dead-earnest, gray-faced. It was one of the saddest things I've ever encountered, given how naturally-good the unconformed younger ones were. Has that changed, I hope, in the intervening decades?
Thank you for this. It's so interesting because, once upon a time, I taught English in Japan to everyone from small babies through to graduate students. I remember exactly this transition from a really free-wheeling kindergarten to something much more buttoned-down later on. I'll make sure I come back to this topic! Thanks again.
I've read an article by Ms Katayams wrote for The Economist a few years back about how children are raised in Japan. Wonderful piece. I can't wait to read the book. Thanks, Chris, for sharing these Lisa-thoughts with us.
Many thanks - yes, that old ‘it’s innate’ argument has been doing the rounds quite a bit, hasn’t it, for years. Encouraged both inside and outside Japan, interestingly.
Such an interesting article!
I grew up in Japan, and cleaning our own classrooms was completely normal for us. We never really thought of it as something related to Buddhism or ethics. It was just what we did.
It makes me wonder if that's actually why it works—we never even thought about why we were doing it!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, and apologies for my late reply here. It's an interesting point: sometimes if you give children a reason for something, that becomes a reason for them to then argue against it. If you just ask them to do it, then that's possibly more effective...!
Great piece! It's not about homogeneity, because you can see mixed race kids and foreign kids happily taking part in the sharing when they grow up in a Japanese community. I rebelled against my wife's Japanese parenting of our daughter until it dawned on me that I could relax and contribute other values, like independence, in a way that would fit comfortably within the larger "omotenashi" mentality that she was teaching. Our daughter is 21, working here in Japan, and still happily maintaining an awareness of those around her.
Good to hear of a successful example of bi-cultural parenting here! We try to do the same in our household: find the best of both worlds, as far as possible. I really like Lisa’s ‘radically caring about others’ idea because it seems so universal - beyond all the particular rules that anyone familiar with Japan will know.
My teenagers are now in their forties and fifties. It was easier I think without social media. But I don’t know. My teenage grandchildren are worried about the world, and do their best with the small things - recycling, sharing and doing these small things as kindly as they can. As I am a parent, and a grandparent I have no idea what to say to help. So I asked these beautiful people what message they take away from my parenting. My 52 year old son said “we always knew that whatever you did or said you always had the best intentions”. How subtle kindness can be 🤗 My 17 year old granddaughter said “You’re always giving us comfort even when we get it badly wrong. And you have never told any of us off. You never seem to be cross.” And that is the only parenting result I can think of. You are in a position to help your teenagers get it right for their children. I don’t know if this is a bit muddly. And I remember feeling extremely cross with them. Hey ho. 🤭
Thank you so much for this, Jessica. What lovely to comments to receive from your family. I remember reading, a while back, someone saying that when they were younger they valued intelligence more than anything, but when they got older they realised that kindness trumps everything. I think I agree!
I'd love to hear more - lots more! - about Japanese parenting. One of the English-teaching jobs I had there ca 1974 was an after-school English class for kids. My classes were 30 or 40 minutes long and ran throughout the afternoon, starting with kids so young that I remember one coming in diapers. While being totally not problematic in any sort of rebellious way, they were nonetheless full of energy, even a bit rambunctious -- in a word, delightful. Until you got to the ones in about 4th grade, I don't remember exactly. Then suddenly they were ALL, as a UNIT, silent, unsmiling, dead-earnest, gray-faced. It was one of the saddest things I've ever encountered, given how naturally-good the unconformed younger ones were. Has that changed, I hope, in the intervening decades?
Thank you for this. It's so interesting because, once upon a time, I taught English in Japan to everyone from small babies through to graduate students. I remember exactly this transition from a really free-wheeling kindergarten to something much more buttoned-down later on. I'll make sure I come back to this topic! Thanks again.
I've read an article by Ms Katayams wrote for The Economist a few years back about how children are raised in Japan. Wonderful piece. I can't wait to read the book. Thanks, Chris, for sharing these Lisa-thoughts with us.
Thanks for reading!
Glad you called it out the influences and the idea of behaviors been adapted to place and circumstances.
I see too many people asserting the behavior as inevitable and/or biological, which is nonsense.
Many homogeneous populations like Nepalese, Laotian, Armenian, or Polish do not behave similarly.
Canada is considered, like Japan, one of the most polite countries in the world while been quite different in origin and make up
Japan is comparable to other places in many ways. But the combination that resulted in its unique path that led to where it is makes it so unique.
Many thanks - yes, that old ‘it’s innate’ argument has been doing the rounds quite a bit, hasn’t it, for years. Encouraged both inside and outside Japan, interestingly.
love your page, connect back please thanks
Have your society be 97% homogeneous. It's why. Period.